im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
