if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
