marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize