If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
