My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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