He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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