Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize