To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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