I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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