that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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