he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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