My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
