I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize