at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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