Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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