The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
