Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
