She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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