It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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