Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
