If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize