I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
