Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
