when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
