R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
