Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
