Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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