Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
