I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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