please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
