I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
