Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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