He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
