I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
