I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
