How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
