so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
