don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize