Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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