im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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