I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize