my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i drank out of a bidet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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