soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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