all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
