I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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