All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
