I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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