so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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