just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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