Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
