he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
