Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
