Dual....:-)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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