U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
