and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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