I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
