I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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