i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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