shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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