I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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