if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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