After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
