i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
