Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
