You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
