My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
