before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
