But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
