glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
