Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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